Are you entertaining the idea of tying the knot, but find that something (or many things) is weighing on your mind? Is there an uneasy feeling in your gut that the person you’re thinking of marrying may not be the right match for you? Sometimes people who experience this are merely manifesting inner fears about commitment or blowing irrational worries out of proportion. If this is so, then with time, communication and/or therapy those fears can be assuaged. Unfortunately though, there’s often a good reason for that niggling feeling, and yet so many of us disregard the warning signs and speed into “ever after” head on.
After living through such a scenario myself, and having friends and relatives suffer through it, too, I’ve devised five really bad reasons to get hitched in hopes I may ward off someone else’s marital disaster. So, why do you want to get married?
1. Because it’s “time” already.
You mean you’re over thirty and you’re still not married? What does that say about you? Well, for one thing, it probably says you haven’t found the right mate to settle down with (or you may not be ready to settle down at all!) Does that mean you should grab the current guy or gal in your life and do it anyway? Sure, if you’re looking forward to a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. There is no such thing as “time to get married” until you deem it so, and if you fall into one of the above categories, that time hasn’t yet come.
2. Because other people think it’s a good idea.
A wise woman once told me that it’s very easy to break up with someone else’s mate. Sure, an outsider can see all the problems, isn’t emotionally involved, so to them, breaking up is a cakewalk. Well, in that same vein, it’s very easy to marry someone else’s mate, too. After all, the bystander is not the one who has to live with them on a daily basis for the rest of their life, so watching you get married may sound like a lovely, romantic notion—to them. At thirty-six, I married the wrong man and have to say much of the reason was the cheering section of friends and relatives who just wanted to see me married already, whatever their individual reasons. When you have misgivings and are surrounded by that kind of pressure, you can easily begin to mistrust your own feelings and conclude that since others think it’s a good idea, maybe you’re just being silly. You’re not! If only I had been strong and secure enough to trust my gut, I never would have made that awful mistake. But then, I wouldn’t have been able to write my first novel, WEDLOCKED, either!
3. Because you’re dying to have a big, beautiful wedding!
At thirty-six you can imagine how eager I was to plan the wedding of century. And I did. To this day I have friends and relatives tell me it was the best and most beautiful wedding they’ve ever been to. They recall it fondly. Well guess what? It was a horror show for me! Deep down I knew something was wrong and believe it or not, my husband and I spent much of the day snapping at each other. Not surprisingly, we were divorced soon after, but I had my big, beautiful wedding. Is that really how you’d like yours to go? If you don’t marry Mr. or Ms. Right, it just might. Instead, why not watch a few episodes of Bridezilla to stave off any premature wedding dreams. It’s funnier, a lot less arduous, and a whole lot cheaper, too!
4. Because you think your mate will change.
As my sister would say, “yeah, right, sure.” And if they do, nobody tells you it’s because they’re going to get worse. If you think a marriage certificate is somehow a magical document that will zap all your mate’s problematic behaviors away, you’re in for a rude awakening. Chances are good that the security of a contract will make them even more comfortable “being themselves,” and if that’s not a good thing, you’re in for trouble! A leopard doesn’t change its spots, and neither will your new spouse.
5. Because you want a baby…now!
This is the worst and most dangerous reason to get married when you’re not completely sure you’re doing the right thing. Unfortunately, it’s also the most compelling. A ticking time clock is a force to be reckoned with, which is why it so often leads to disastrous decision-making. I can’t tell you how many people I know who married the wrong mate because they were afraid their childbearing years were coming to an end. In this day and age, you don’t have to involve anyone else in your decision to have a baby, so why enter into a precarious marriage? Children can sense when their parents’ relationship isn’t a positive one, and I firmly believe one happy parent is better than two miserable ones. If you think you can always get divorced, think about this: you’ll most likely have to deal with this ex-spouse for the rest of your life because the two of you share one or more children. If you think that’s easy after a divorce, I have a bridge downtown to sell you. If I had been dumb enough to have kids with my first husband, I’d have had to have him knocked off. Then, I’d be writing to you from a jail cell instead of my comfy home office.
So if you’re teetering on the edge of making a decision about marriage, I suggest some thorough introspection first. Either you’ll realize you’re doing the right thing, or your head will figure out what your gut already knows.
Read more advice from Bonnie HERE
If you would like Bonnie to offer some advice on your personal relationship issue, contact her at
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